Venerable McPulitzer Internal Memo 04/02/10: Attn. All Staff
-Unsolicited submissions from direct descendants of Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, and F. Scott Fitzgerald shall be processed and responded to expediently. All others shall be burned on the pyre.
-You may not have ever been formally introduced to the Editor-in-Chief, or seen him at all, or indeed had any evidence of his existence except for that one time you thought you heard a hearty baritone behind the door marked Editor-in-Chief making disparaging remarks about the service at the Plaza Hotel—but this does not mean the Editor-in-Chief does not exist. We assure you that he does exist, and that he is very, very busy.
-No drinking of fine whiskies before noon.
-Interns’ shoes shall be polished at all times.
-Interns’ work shall be checked over in triplicate and signed off by no less than three Authorities before it shall be considered complete.
-All staff and interns shall study the Black Book regularly for an updated list of Literary Agents we are currently snubbing.
-All staff and interns shall study the Grey Book regularly for a list of Midlist Authors whose phone calls we are not ever returning.
-All staff and interns shall study the Red Book regularly for a list of Well-Moneyed People we are currently in bed with.
-No whistling ‘pon the stairs.
That sounds like a fun place to be unpaid.
ReplyDeleteThey expect a lot for what they're paying you.
ReplyDeleteWait... no whistling??
ReplyDeleteIf you can't whistle, may I suggest reciting dirty limericks?
ReplyDeleteThis is both hilarious and worrisome. Verification word: Fultie. The Kissin' cousin of futile. As in hope of publication at said Venerable Institution.
ReplyDeleteHaving your work checked in triplicate sounds familiar. After a few months as an EA, I began to doubt whether or not I could send an email by myself without having an editor look it over first.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, when INTERN is a MONEYED AND FAMED author she'll be on the red-list and able to stop returning THEIR calls.
ReplyDelete*rubs hands together with glee in anticipation of venerable snubbing*
Wow... how come there are red, black and grey books, ut no blue or white?
ReplyDeletegiggles*
ReplyDeleteG.
Once upon a leap year blue moon, Anonymous drove a cab in a resort town where overworked and harried chief executive these and those of so-and-so companies wanting anonymity from the masses as well as the job vacationed in inebriated stupors. Anonymous met many drunken Names, once an executive editor in chief of a going concern.
ReplyDeleteEditor and his wife spent their two weeks mostly in their room intoxicated; they were soon banned from the hotel's bars, neigborhing bars, and room service liquor service. Anonymous took them to the liquor store daily for their nightly stocks. Once in the middle of the night took them to a shot house where they bought a $100 bottle of no-name vodka to tide them over 'til the morning opening of the liquor store, a latter later night to a moonshiner anonymous knew. More bang for the buck.
The editor was the first chief excutive editor anonymous had ever met in person. Anonymous has met most every serving U.S. president since his age of majority, the current administration outstanding yet, but that was the first of two chief editors anonymous has met in person so far. Presidents are more readily accessible than chief executive editors. Hail to the chiefs.
Oooh, a pyre! I'm envious. Is it a daily ritual on the rooftop, or do you wait for the weekend and torch them on a beach with hotdogs and bourbon?
ReplyDeletemethinks me shall be Editor-in-Chief in next life and make fun rules for interns :D
ReplyDeleteSounds like your last internship. Is it a comfortable feeling, or should we proactively put plasters on your wrists?
ReplyDeleteLOL, can't you drink shite whiskey before noon? ;)
ReplyDeleteMakes you wonder what would happen if INTERN happened to wear matte shoes...
ReplyDeleteOh. How...FUN...for...you. ??? At least it gives good writing material for the blog.
ReplyDeleteTere: Shite whiskey only between 6 and 9 AM!
ReplyDeleteI dunno, Intern... sounds like a *stick up the bum* sorta place. There's gotta be spittle on somebody's tie!
ReplyDeleteHaste yee back ;-)
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThis is all so exciting! I'm so glad you're doing this. You sound happy.
ReplyDelete:-)
Yes, you sound fulfilled. :D *Rooting for Intern*
ReplyDeleteIf you have Netflix, watch Fear and Trembling/Stupeur et Tremblements.
ReplyDeleteSo many rules for no reason in the corporate environment for the interns of the world..