Why INTERN’s mom is not her critique partner:
“It's a neat story, but is it realistic? I mean, YOU weren't doing those things when you were seventeen—“ *blushes, looks fretful*
“—were you?”
Why INTERN’s dad is not her critique partner:
“Great story. Given any thought to law school?”
Why INTERN’s sister is not her critique partner:
“The second letter in the main character’s name is the same as the third letter in my middle name AND YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER WRITE ABOUT ME.”
Why INTERN’s grandma is not her critique partner:
“Can you print this again in a decent type size?”
“Like how big, grandma?”
“72 pt.”
Why INTERN's grandpa is not her critique partner:
*sets manuscript on fire by using it as an ashtray* *shoots rifle at ceiling* "Thieves! Vandals!"
Why INTERN’s best friend from college is not her critique partner:
“Du-u-de, the first two pages were so-o-o good, then I lost the manuscript on the beach when I was skimboarding.”
Why INTERN’s highschool English teacher is not her critique partner:
*sighs* “Well, it's not The Sun Also Rises.”
Why INTERN's kindergarten best friend is not her critique partner:
*twirls hair* "Can you make it be about a princess?"
Why that creepy guy on the bus is not INTERN’s critique partner:
“You’re the bomb, baby. Can I touch your hair?”
Why Techie Boyfriend’s little sister is not INTERN’s critique partner:
“I think the characters are really—OMG LOOK AT THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO OF A GUY BEATBOXING WHILE PLAYING THE FLUTE IT’LL ONLY TAKE A SECOND JUST WATCH IT!”
Why Harold Camping is not INTERN's critique partner:
"Throw it all on the stink-barge! JUDGEMENT DAY IS COMING BEFORE YOUR DEADLINE ANYWAY."
Why INTERN's eerily smart baby cousin is not her critique partner:
*drools on manuscript* *writes 20-point editorial letter analyzing manuscript's flaws from a post-Lacanian perspective*
Why the People In White Coats are not INTERN's critique partners:
"You do know that writing obsessively is a sign of mania? Let's get you on Depakote, shall we?"*
*happy mental health month and happy monday!
-INTERN
Searching for a critique partner is like searching for the person you want to marry. There are so many almost-rights out there, that eventually you begin to doubt you'll find The One. Then one day, you're out with friends and a friend of a friend starts talking about fiction and reading and characterization, and you look at them and YOU KNOW.
ReplyDeleteI'm eternally grateful to the matchmakers that put me together with my current critique partners. They're brilliant and funny and THEY GET MY BOOK.
This is doubly funny because my high school English teacher IS one of my crit partners!
ReplyDeleteThese are pretty funny. It makes me thankful for my writing group.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm with Rick--the very first one made me laugh because my mother is one of my crit partners. She's one of the best grammarians I know.
ReplyDeleteGood help is SO hard to find, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThis is soooo funny and soooo true.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to hang with Grandpa.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Meg. And this list is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh so much. Very nice post.
ReplyDeleteI also loved Nancy's comment: "Searching for a critique partner is like searching for the person you want to marry." I have my husband but I am soooo waiting for my crit soul mate :)
Ahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteFinding the right critique partner is one of the most difficult, and gut wrenching experiences of my life, and I am still going through it now.
entries like this make up for those lonely months without INTERN blog posts.
ReplyDelete(my CP, btw, is none of the above. she found me after i posted a CP request on a blog. so, basically, we were strangers who sent exploratory initial pages to each other and hit it off despite our many difference (ages, genres) and it's worked out wonderfully. she's fan-freakin'-tastic!)
-- Tom
I love this!
ReplyDeleteSteve C: Grandpa's the boss! Just don't bring up politics.
ReplyDeleteJemma, Mieke: try Absolute Write if you haven't already! or, um, okcupid.
ReplyDeleteyou mean your family's reviews aren't the best thing to post on your blog? This is so funny!!
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! And so, so true. Finding a good crit partner is like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So rare, but oh, so awesome when you finally click with the right one.
ReplyDeleteI love the grandpa one! THIEVES! VANDALS! lol
ReplyDeleteI've had way too many experiences with the eerily smart baby cousins!
ReplyDeleteFound your blog today and am LOVING. You're a hoot.
ReplyDelete