den of frivolity

Last night while listening to the radio and drinking some sedative tea, INTERN had some deep psychic communication with Beyonce of Destiny's Child, who shared the following publishing insights with INTERN:

"If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

She's clearly talking to publishers who rejected a manuscript, only to kick themselves when said manuscript is picked up by a publisher with better abs.

"Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my auto-mo-bills? If you did then maybe we could chill."

INTERN already covered this one a zillion posts ago, but it bears repeating: Beyonce is now speaking as a publisher, letting writers know she wants manuscripts that bring home the bacon. Or is she speaking as a writer demanding a substantial advance? Can she chill with Harper-Collins, but not a small indie house? How big are her auto-mo-bills anyway?

"I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me." *INTERN has been alerted that this is actually a TLC song. INTERN can only assume Beyonce must have consulted with them at some point.*

Scrub = unagented ms from the slush pile. No love from Beyonce.

"My man's been cheating on me. Been running round here with this little tenderoni."

Man = author. Little tenderoni = rival publisher/agent. No love.

"Ladies, leave your man at home. The club is full of ballers and they pockets' full grown."

Obviously a call for female writers to leave the house and go mob some literary agents ("ballers") at a writer's conference ("club"). But only agents with really big pockets.

"You'll be sayin' no, no, no, no no when it's really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah."

Every author's response to rejection letters.


Upon massive public consensus, INTERN is going to take a break in a pleasant sea-side sanitarium (figuratively) and be back sometime next week. Peace.