in which INTERN is not destined for the Dep't of Marketeering

Today, INTERN was excited to be given the task of writing sales copy for several Venny McP titles, to appear in a forthcoming catalogue. Determined to produce the most tantalizing sales copy ever written, INTERN spent most of the morning reading through past catalogues to get an idea of what said sales copy is supposed to sound like and ultra-familiarizing herself with the books and authors in question. She started making notes. Writing drafts. Joggling sentences around to portray said books in the most flattering possible light.

Somehow, her first several attempts just didn’t seem tantalizing enough:

The Glory of the WonderBees is Ozzy McTwillop’s brightest and most ambitious work yet…

In The Glory of the WonderBees, MacArthur fellow Ozzy McTwillop is at his earthshattering finest…

So INTERN figured she just wasn’t trying hard enough:

Readers’ very souls will be ransacked by the staggering power of three-time National Book Award winner Ozzy McTwillop’s new saga The Glory of the WonderBees…

Ozzy McTwillop’s prose is nothing short of catastrophic in this white-hot work of…

As the afternoon wore on, INTERN’s attempts became more and more…promising. Or they seemed promising to INTERN, who had by this point lost all sense of perspective.

Finally, a Marketing Person came by to check on INTERN’s progress. INTERN was only too happy to oblige with a sample.

To which quoth the Marketing Person, “It’s literary fiction, honey, not Dante’s Peak.”

INTERN has never seen Dante’s Peak, but spent the last few minutes at work nervously reading its entry on IMDB. Dante’s Peak is nothing like The Glory of the WonderBees.

INTERN is humbled and determined to return tomorrow with white-hot, catastrophic levels of determination.