Enter my awesome amazing contest to win an ARC/first-chapter critique/my agent’s secret e-mail address/this weird pair of underwear I found at the laundromat.
Awesome, right? Enter right now! But first make sure you read the rules (see below).
THE RULES:
1. Before you enter, you must first tweet about this contest a minimum of ten times.
2. Also, your tweets need to be in ALL CAPS.
3. Also, you need to follow my blog, and my agent’s blog, and my mom’s blog, and this blog. No fair unfollowing after the contest is over!
4. Also, you need to display this extremely large and poorly-designed button on your blog for the duration of the contest and for three months afterwards:
5. Also, you need to change your profile picture on Facebook to display my book cover.
6. Also, you need to leave reviews of my book on Amazon, GoodReads, and one other venue of your choice.
7. Also, you need to provide screenshots IN TRIPLICATE of said reviews, tweets, profile picture, etc.
8. Also, said screenshots must be notarized by a notary public.
9. Also, you need to write a 250-word paragraph explaining why you want to enter this contest.
10. Also, you need to include a SASE. What, I didn’t mention you can only formally declare your entrancehood BY MAIL?
11. Also, the contest is only open between 3:02 AM and 3:01 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 1872. YOU FIGURE IT OUT.
12. Also, you get bonus points if you create multiple Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, and Gmail accounts for the sole purpose of entering this contest multiple times.
13. Also, this contest will be capped at 5,000 entires.
That’s all, guys! HAVE FUN ENTERING THE BEST CONTEST EVER*.
Anyone else want an ibuprofen?
*at this point, INTERN would like to state that Twitter Pitch contests actually seem like a pretty neat idea**.
**but not if entering one is harder than filling out your #$@$@ tax return***.
***but seriously, where's the ibuprofen?
-INTERN
i am cheering so loudly you can't even hear it.
ReplyDeletehee hee!! Gosh, insisting on all caps in a tweet is really over the top. ;)
ReplyDeletea. men.
ReplyDeletewhen i won a contest where i was sent two copies of alicia bessette's COOKING FROM SCRATCH i gave the second one away in a contest. the rules? follow my blog (because i fully admit i'm THAT desperate for validation) and leave a comment saying you want the book.
there are *ahem* certain people out there with access to particularly desirous ARCs that i've (gasp!) un-followed because i can't stomach the excesses of rules that go along with entering.
and, INTERN, seriously, you didn't even mention the frickin' MATH EQUATIONS that some of these contests require!
+1 for following the blog
+1 for each tweet about the contest
+1 for leaving a comment
+1 for mentioning the contest on your blog (with verification URL, of course)
+5 for pre-ordering the book on Amazon
sheesh...
oh, as for the ibuprofen, it's on the counter, right next to the big bottle of tonic water, the lime slices and the sapphire gin. enjoy.
-- Tom
Yeah, I'm about to host my first giveaway and I've been looking at how everyone else does it. I don't mind giving extra entries for following the author if that's a request, but do we really need additional entries for Twitter, Facebook, etc? Plus, why REQUIRE that someone follows/friends you? That's not fair. I'd rather only have people read my blog if they like it and choose to do so. Perhaps an optional request, but required? Why?
ReplyDeleteThe simpler a contest is, the more likely I am to enter. Oftentimes, I'm already following your blog and that's how I heard about the contest. I'm not going to tweet/Facebook status/add a blog entry about the contest. Besides, that just takes your chances away when more people enter, right? *wink*
Wouldn't it just be easier if I became your PR person?
ReplyDeleteBesides I don't think I can figure out how to Tweet 10 times...LOL!
Oh. So relieved. I thought I was the only one who found the rules onerous.
ReplyDeletelol. Tears!
ReplyDeleteMy contests are all answer a question types. There's an upcoming one (in September) that's going to require a blog post though, because that's a big prize.
Also, I don't like to mix platforms. I'll announce a twitter contest on my blog, but I won't go into detail, because not everyone on the blog is on twitter.
This is brilliant! I may even tweet it ;)
ReplyDeleteI would post that Bunny Badge on my blog no problem. That is the cutest little bunny I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
This was hysterical. I've seen so many contests that made my head spin - no way I'm going to spend a freaking hour entering one LOL! Great post:)
ReplyDeleteWord! Thought it was just me doing the eye roll, contest entering head slide. And, what Elizabeth said: it is a very cute bunny.
ReplyDeleteIntern talk to your accountant about the taxes. A smart one may tell you to create your own business and hire yourself as a employee. And yes, I cry every year over taxes - after the nausea has passed.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll just give stuff away.
ReplyDeleteLOL...and this is why my brain just burst.
ReplyDeleteIntern should host a Twittest (Twitter + contest. Aren't I clever). The rules should be:
1) Rip your heart out of your chest, divide it into 1200 equal parts
2) Tweet a Twitpic
3)Refer 9,000 friends
4)Win.
Firstly: LOL! This is amazing and I may--MAY--have been guilty of one or two of these in my giveaways at some point, ahem.
ReplyDeleteSecondly: Where the heck have I been that I didn't know your blog was active again?! *facepalm* A belated welcome back to Bloglandia.
<3,
-J
So, I laughed out loud at work, and I work in a library, so I was shushed. Good stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought having to give your firstborn child was a dealbreaker!
ReplyDeletethanks for lightening my day!
All because of you, INTERN, I created an impossible contest on my website, Semi-Original Thought . You (or any of your thousands of friends) could win $20.
ReplyDeleteExcellent breakdown of crappy contests! I think this is the best use of an extremely large and poorly-designed button I've ever seen with something written coherently. Or maybe the only one.