Tuesday, December 22, 2009

today, INTERN is declaring pub amnesty

This morning, INTERN woke up and realized that lately she has been thinking about writing and publishing and books pretty much constantly. And she realized that maybe all these book-thoughts have been crowding out other potentially luminous and joyful thoughts. So today, she is declaring Pub Amnesty: a break from thinking about writing, revising, editing, contracts, advances, trim sizes, bookstore demises, e-books, who's publishing who, and (Zeus help us all!) book promotion.

Instead, INTERN is celebrating the following inherently joyful and luminous subjects today:

1. Funiculars.

2. A spoon from Medieval times.

3. Time-lapse videos of mushrooms growing.

4. Mason jars filled with pickled hard-boiled eggs at a gas station.

5. A spoon from the Renaissance (which spoon is happier?)

6. Celestial navigation.

7. Mashups.

8. Fruit that comes in the mail.

9. Druids.

10. Rastafarians (why aren't there more books with Rastafarian narrators? INTERN can't think of a single one. No—that's a books/publishing thought! delete!)

11. Hieronymus Bosch.

12. The fact that every character in Avatar looks like a spokesperson for that "One Flat Belly Rule: OBEY" ad that's all over the web.

13. Oblivion.

14. Neil Young's comb.

15. Logic.

16. Those quilts that are actually secret maps.

17. Pancakes with the faces of saints.

18. Pianos that sound like saxophones.

19. Saxophones that sound like John F. Kennedy.

20. Ferns.

21. Raspberries.

22. Things that dry in the sun.

23. A spoon from the future.

24. All the objects you can make out of clay.

25. Bluegrass.

Feel free to add your own Luminous Subjects, and INTERN will dance down the street thinking about them. For truly!


  1. Druidic festivals involving dancing around ferns to bluegrass, followed by eating raspberries! Best solstice ever?

  2. Celestial Navigation is a very good book by Anne Tyler. Oops, sorry.

    Luminous subjects... I know. Those glow-in-the-dark switches on flashlights? When the flashlights go dead, break off the switches and put them around your room, especially next to light switches. Or just get some glow-in-the-dark stickers and use them for the same. When I shut off the lights at night, the room looks like it’s full of fireflies.

  3. 16. Those quilts that are actually secret maps.

    This... this is a thing? :D I have to go find out about this now!

    If you'd like, you can think about why puppies have that extra fuzz layer that lights up when the sun hits them and looks like a puppy halo.

    Or, those pills that you put in water that then transform into dinosaurs and farm animals.

    Have a wonderful holiday!

  4. - Sporks with eyes (so as to follow the rhythm of your list)
    - The word "ethiopia" - chanting the syllables as if it captured an echo of lost thought, rather than naming a country
    - Finding mysterious shapes in dust-balls, thus providing a reason to nurture them
    - Accidental choreography, moments of united flow among strangers

  5. Personally, I'm always cheered up by the thought of foxes on a trampoline.

  6. Add to your list, the following:

    Ella Fitzgerald

    Green candy canes--why?

    Why tea is served in curving cups but coffee is served in sturdy, utilitarian mugs...

    Blue, as in Picasso, Miles Davis, et. al.

    Baskets--I wonder about this. It seems like dishing out a bowl from a chunk of wood was a simpler carrying vessel...which native thought to hone scraps and weave them for a lighter burden?


    Long striped scarves that wind around and around one's neck to keep out the cold yet leave crazily long ends trailing.

    Loud cell phone rings

    just a suggestion :)

  7. peppermint ice cream


    the smell of grass

    foam at the edge of a beach

    snow meeting the water

    crystalline branches after an ice storm

    breezes that match the temperature of your skin

    swinging hair

    close, tight harmony

    handwritten letters


  8. YouTube videos of starlings

    Houses with secret doors

    Birds that have tails longer than their bodies


  9. Light: particle or beam?

    Starlight falls onto Earth in measureable quantities -- every minute 1/10,000 of an ounce of actual starlight drops down from the sky.

    The "true north" of our planet is a wandering construct: its location meanders as much as 100 miles a day.

    Nobody knows why cats purr, but the sound-signature of a cat's purr is an alpha-wave. Alpha-waves are very soothing (same effect as watching snow fall) so that might be a clue.

    Wow. I just spent five whole minutes not thinking about the book publishing biz.

  10. "Avatar" looks like a live-action Fern Gully.

    Celebrate New Castle. The beer, not the city.

    Snuggies (AKA: the WTF blanket)

  11. Funiculars! You made my day (and also made me relive a rather terrifying adventure in a funicular in Chile, circa 2004). Merry Christmas, INTERN.

  12. Subjects I ponder...

    If I keep dividing my life in half, will I live forever? (I mean, after dividing by half, I've still got half left, right)! Gonna try this out, by damn, duh!

    Why does fresh water weight most at about 49.99 degrees F? H20 is H20 at 70 degrees F and 49...what gives?

    I'm blind in my right eye, (true), are all the people I see half as fat as I think?

    Why is blood pressure zero at capillaries?

    Did Orson Wells die - or just explode?

    Boggles the mind...

    Haste yee back ;-)

  13. Maybe intern ll enjoy this


    to really put her mind on a different track.

    May 2010 be a wonderful year and may you continue doing what you do ....

  14. The little blobs of solder holding stained glass windows together

    Coffee marblized by melting whipped cream

    The sound of a TV turning off

    very old walls and stairs hidden in the woods

    my silver coffee scoop thingy

    Wes Anderson's Idea Book

  15. INTERN, sweet INTERN,
    May I offer you this luminous and joyful selection of subjects to dance down the street to while pondering or partaking:

    Champagne/sparkling wine...bubbly in my tumbly! It's what's for dinner.

    infinity...the sky goes on FOREVER. And beyond.

    chocolate cake goodness

    beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice

    disco sticks

    kookaburras and rutabagas

    A most joyous New Year to you!

  16. Snow. Snow mobiling and snow angels. Shoveling and other dandy things you can do with the cold, white powder!

  17. Hibernian FC and why they let themselves lose to detested Rangers after a 12 game undefeated streak. And who is to blame for it.

    Also, Oona Chaplin, Charlie's wife.

    Also, what causes that "new" smell of new clothes.

  18. Traitor! lol, there is no-not-thinking-of-book-related-things allowed here in the bloggersphere! :P J/k

    Have fun avoiding the inevitable :)

  19. I just discovered this blog from a link and it is HIGHLARIOUS! Thank you Miss INTERN!

  20. An hour glass full of black sand from Kaimu Beach, Hawaii! Ahhhhhh....

  21. I can't decide if I like the red or purple eggs-in-a-jar.

    The absolute best thing to fluff your brain is to watch snow fall and imagine you live inside your own snowglobe.

    And watch The Real Housewives of wherever, completely releases ALL seriousness in life